exhaustion

Today we woke up to the sun shining on the snow.

There are few things as appealing to small children first thing in the morning. They see snow and instantly think snow angels and snow men and snowballs and sledding and snow boards.

I just saw the sun sparkling across that snow and it made my heart glad. Overcast days and I don't get along.


The dog apparently enjoyed the morning snow as well. She kept rolling all over it. I found this picture to be quite sweet.


Besides the snow this morning, the rest of the day was fairly standard.

We did school, played outside had lunch and then we set off for gymnastics. It was just before gymnastics that I felt this immense exhaustion hit me. I felt like I could just curl up on the sofa at home and take a nice nap, but considering the fact that I pay $16 an hour for my kids to go to gymnastics I really didn't want to miss it. So I hauled my rear off the sofa and headed out the door.

At gymnastics I usually sit and chat with my friends and we have a great time. Today, I kinda wanted to curl up and fall asleep on the hard cold metal bleachers. I didn't. I felt I should mention that because there have been times in my life when I have been so tired that I HAVE just curled up and fallen asleep.

One of those notable times was when I was in college. It was in the summer and I was working full time as well as taking full time classes. Along with that, I was living with my sister with a brand new baby and I was dating this amazing guy who was occupying my every thought and my every evening. I really couldn't get him out of my mind and I still feel that way about him which is a good thing, since I am still with him and he does make an amazing husband, BUT this story isn't about him. It is about my exhaustion.

So, I was working during the day doing work on the grounds of the college campus that I went to school at and I was working hard out there. It was a hot, hot summer and I was weeding everyday and hedge trimming and raking and watering baby trees and I was doing something else called rock picking (which is a whole 'nother post). After leaving work I would head over to the local community college where I was taking a Biology class and I would do school there for a couple of hours each evening. We would have an hour of lecture and then we would have a 15 minute break before he would head in for another hour of lab.

The building was so cold and I worked in the heat all day outside, so for me it was even more cold and I just about froze in there everyday. This is probably a blessing because I would probably have fallen asleep if it wasn't so cold.

In the evenings my dear sweet John and I would see each other and we were poor and hadn't known each other all that long so much of our time was spent walking through parks talking and sipping coffee at Dennys as we stared at each other through the smoke. There may have also been a considerable amount of time spent kissing and holding hands and looking all sparkle-eyed at each other. The problem was that we were staying up too late for the rest of my schedule to work well. Actually this continues to be a problem for us. We are night owls.

So by the time I hit biology everyday I was exhausted. Completely and totally and I really wanted to sleep but that building was so stinkn' cold! So I would sit and shiver and make it through. Then I would go out of the building during our break and try to just sit on the hot sidewalk, up wind of the smokers, just to get warm. I would lean up against the brick building and just enjoy the heat.

One day I finally was just over the limit tired and after sitting out there for just a minute or two and trying to close my eyes and just rest them I wondered in my little head, "Why don't I just lay down right here and take a little nap." Now, to the rest of the world this may sound odd, but to someone as tired as I was it made perfect sense. So, I laid down, right there on the sidewalk right outside of the building and I proceeded to take my nap. It would have been great, BUT people kept waking me up. They would stop and ask, "Um... mam? Are you alright?" And I would sleepily look up at them and say, "Yes, just tired... thanks." And try to go back to sleep. It wouldn't be long until someone else would come up and ask me if I was alright. I really just wanted a nap and I ended up being quite annoyed with these people all interupting my nap.

Many years later when I thought about my attempt at a nap I saw how crazy I must have looked to people, but I was so exhausted that I just didn't care.

Today, at gymnastics, I was almost that exhausted. Almost. Apparently I have decided that laying down on the sidewalk for a nap isn't that great of an idea. Probably a wise choice on my part.

Winter is leaving... I hope and pray.

This has been my best friend through the winter. He lives in my front yard.

Winter has been long and quite depressing. It has been easily the hardest winter for me to endure since we lived in Washington State. We had lots of snow and lots of cold, bitter days. The sun did not want to shine on me and I would have stood on my head all day if only it would have. I longed to feel the sun beat on my skin until it made me blister. On those few occasions that the sun would shine down on us, I would stand in my window and close my eyes and close my hands around a hot mug of coffee and just imagine I was standing in my yard in July.

We have had a couple of teasing days. Days when it would be 72F on Sunday and then we would have 6 inches of snow on Tuesday. Days when we would all be out roller blading, and then bundling up for winter again, just like a slap when expecting a kiss.

I have promised the kids that we would be at the zoo at the first sign of decent weather. The zoo here is one of the top in the nation, and it is also free. We merrily trot off to the zoo as often as we can. There are a few exhibits that my children could stand and watch for hours upon hours. They have been begging me to go for weeks. On Friday, I checked our weather forecast and I saw pleasant weather coming and I made my plan. Tuesday was Zoo day. Tuesday was my get out of jail free day!

Tomorrow the kids and I will go and we will wear our coats and we will take our gloves, but we will walk and run and relish in the first true signs of the coming spring.